Yesterday, I dragged myself out of my bed at the appointed time of 5:15am (ish). Actually, it was more like 5:33 am to be exact. It was a struggle, but I conquered. for the past 12 days (minus the weekends, and one setback Monday) I’ve made the decision to begin my day with at least 45 minutes with God. I wish I could say that I arise with uplifted and high spirits, but I don’t. Although I am a morning person, getting up before the sun is inhumane. Nevertheless, I made it to my prayer closet. Shut the door. Put on my sweatshirt. And sat down in my little corner. I pulled out my journal and began to do my writings and meditations. In that time I found a verse in Psalm that desperately hit the mark in my goal for this year. “Rest in the Lord, & wait patiently for Him” Psalm 35:7.
This is my mission. It also happens to be my struggle. There are things that I would like revealed to me for my future that I am struggling to reach clarity on. However, I have yet to truly grasp what it means to “rest in the Lord”. I am waiting. But I don’t know if its patiently. I am resting, but only in a binge-watching marathon of Monk.
Maybe that’s why my heart seems so uneasy, unrested, discontent. My head understands what is happening but I haven’t taken my heart down the same path. Although I am trying to create a habit of prioritizing Him in my morning, I have yet to prioritize Him throughout my day. My work habits, my eating habits, and my leisure activities should all be surrendered to the King who gently ask for them.
I haven’t fully consumed the practice of resting in God in an effort to ease my pain in the waiting. I run to my old, useless, unfulfilling habits to keep me “sane”, but that will only last for so long.
It’s time I realized that my God wants me, and all my burdens.
He wants me to rest in Him.
Grace & Peace,