My name is Whitney, and I have a problem.
Just before writing this post I decided that I needed to clean up some things in my life. By that, I mean I needed to delete a lot of blog sites. I mean a lot. I created these other sites with seemingly great ideas and intentions only to let my desire fade in the end. On this website alone, I created at least 10 different blog sites. I told you I have a problem.
My love for online writing goes way back into my high school days. I remember blogging about classmates, changing the names of my friends…just in case. When I got to college, I created several blog sites where I posted my annoyances with co-workers, lessons I’ve learned and thoughts for the future. I even had an English Lit class where maintaining a blog was a part of my professor’s course curriculum. Enabler. Once I graduated, my obsession with establishing and creating a successful blog site worsened. I blogged about faith in one, and fashion in the other. I wanted to take on lifestyle blogging, while beginning a non-profit blog at the same time. And don’t forget the movie blog. I went from ministry blog, to fashion, to lifestyle all in a continuous loop. None of it stuck. Not only did I not put the time into them to potentially make them successful, I simply lost the passion to continue them. I wondered if any of it was relevant? Who were my post helping? Is God okay with me doing this? I struggled. I was restless. I knew I had the desire to begin something great in my own little corner of the world wide web I just couldn’t figure out what it was. Now, as I enter the ring again, slightly weary, I think I am beginning to understand why I failed with all of those blogging endeavors.
I could’t find my voice.
I was trying so hard to take on the persona of other bloggers that I had come across, fashion, christian, films, ministry, business every blog I came across in these areas I became inspired.
“I can do something like that!” I would think to myself.
A unique idea or name would come to my mind and that would be it. The blog would be started. The first post would be up.
I didn’t know who I was in those post. I couldn’t successfully carryout a lifestyle blog because I didn’t want to make my life seem more interesting than it is. The fashion blog was fun, but I would be lying if I told you that I thought about what I was wearing all the time. It just didn’t seem real. The ministry blogs were good, I just never pursued it. I never prayed on it, I never sought counsel for it, and I apparently was ready to invest money into it. The movie blog picked up a small amount of traction, I just could find the world wide relevance of it. I love movies, but it seems trivial to put hours into a blog about television and film when there are crucial things going on in the world. This would justify why I also wanted to begin a crime and news blog.
I’m ready to explore what is truly important to me: Pursuing an unbreakable bond with God, understanding and using my gifts, finding my God given purpose.
Simply documenting my journey and lessons learned as I pursue a God fulfilling life.
This is my life right now. These are my concerns. This is what I want an online representation of my life to reflect.
I enjoy fashion but it is not my ministry.
I enjoy reading lifestyle blogs but that is not my ministry.
I love movies, but that is not my ministry. *Maybe one day though*
It seems that my ministry, in this very moment in time, is my persistence in pursuing God. I need to truly grasp His majesty, power and goodness so that I can more effectively live in my purpose.
Simply put, I just want to be me. Or at least figure out who that is.
It’s time I find my voice.
Let the pursuit begin,