Sometimes, on my darkest days, I want to fall into the pit of my own thoughts. You know, those thoughts that tell me that I won’t amount to much, that I will always be in this stagnant position, that I will never achieve the things or the relationships that I desire. Those thoughts. They find me the most at work. while I am staring at a computer, blankly entering data. This seems to be when I am the most vulnerable. I catch myself wanting to stay there. Wanting to take a front row seat at my own theater production of pitifulness. Sometimes, I even imagine the negative effects of a story that isn’t even mine. Vain imaginations. They become me.
But, somewhere in this dark forest that I have wandered into is something, someone, that keeps me from frantically running further into darkness. I found that even though I want to be lost in the sea of my own depression, there is a force that brings me back to a large reality. My God is too big.
It’s like I can feel Him, gently touching my arm to grab my attention. Asking me to turn away from a path of darkness and to His path of light.
I want to drown. Just like the rest of my peers. Just like the rest of this world.
But He won’t let me. Instead, He takes my hand, reminds me of the light and ease that is on His path.