“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”
Hallways seem longer when all the doors are bolted shut.
That job that I so desperately knew was mine a few months ago was in fact not. The day after I posted the blog “In The Hallway” I received a notice that I would not be moving forward in the application process. I’d like to say that it had no effect on me at all, but that would be a lie. How could something so perfectly timed out and articulated not be from God? Had I heard the signs wrong? I was lost, a little broken, and really confused. I thought I had this figured out.
But as it turned out, I didn’t. And I have a sneaky suspicion that the sooner I understand that I will never have it figure out, the more God will be able to do with me. I got the news on the day before I was supposed to leave for Vegas with family. It had taken me a day or so but I was learning to let it go. The job just wasn’t for me. I started to enjoy my trip while loosening my grip on the desire that I had fed for a month to fly out to Dallas and begin a new life. My mother was even looking at apartments. Nonetheless, I had to let it go (yes, in my “Frozen” voice). After all, I was beginning to get used to rejection.
On the very last day of the trip, God gave me a very physical reminder of where my focus needed to be for my job search. I have a cousin who designs shirts. She takes t-shirts and brands them with phrases and logos, and she had been given the duty to craft t-shirts for the entire family for the holiday weekend. She did her duty and I though that was the end of it. But on the day that everyone was set to say their goodbyes, my cousin came into my hotel room with a specialized t-shirt just for me. She hadn’t known my desire for this job in Texas, she hadn’t even known about my job search in general. So when I unfolded the shirt to read the words “God Is The Plug” I knew that could only be a wink from God. A clear sign that He sees me, and knows my heart. It became clear where God was directing me in order to fall in line with where he wanted me to go in my job search. He wanted me to go straight to Him.
Even now, a month later, I still struggle with turning my search over to Him completely. but I think I am getting there. I am sprinting past the lie that Satan wants me to believe. That the shirt that I received was just a “coincidence”. It didn’t mean anything, just like my belief in that job in Texas. But I can’t believe that. Even though my decision to not believe in coincidences has led me to some deep moments of sadness, It is also my belief that even in those moments of confusion and misdirection, God is still talking to me, testing me, guiding me. However, if I want to reach the level of clarity in which I am sure of what steps to take for my future jobs, my future husband and any other decisions that I will have to make in life I will have to plug in to Him. Only then will I receive the power that I need to do what I was built to do.